Archive for the ‘RPG Hub’ Category

3 Badass Haunted Rooms

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

A week or two ago Paul asked me to write some quick room descriptions to use for a Haunted House in his campaign on the off chance his players decided to enter it (despite being warned not to). I wrote up the following rooms. They are all non combat puzzle type encounters.

Room Number 1: This room is shrouded in darkness. No light source illuminates the area. A long table sits in the center of the room, set up with the remains of a feast long since eaten. There are utensils, broken plates, tureens, and mostly empty platters on the table. The entire room smells of decaying trash. Indeed, the floor appears to be covered in trash: rotten fruit, broken pieces of furniture, and tattered pieces of paper. Less savory elements are also scattered about the room:  a chunk of wet meat, a human hand, and a skull still moist with flesh and skin! The room is littered with human body parts.

If anyone is determined enough to root through the slurry of rotten decay (Easy Perception Check), they recover a potent cursed magic item: A tome infused with the blood of those who died here that communicates with its bearer by writing. The bearer may ask it questions, but it always tells the bearer exactly what it thinks they want to hear, which may or may not correspond to the truth (Hard Insight Check to tell when it is lying).

Room Number 2: This is a small nursery, complete with all the trappings. There is an infant in its crib in this room. It is crying and shrieking at the top of its lungs. Strangely, its crying could not be heard outside the door to the nursery. If someone picks it up, it stops crying immediately. However, should it leave that persons grasp even for second, it immediately begins crying and shrieking again until it is back into that person’s grasp. Only finding the baby’s original mother and giving it to her will wean the baby off of its rescuer and break this strange enchantment.

Room Number 3: This room is bare, save for a thick rope hanging in the center of the room tied into a noose. There is a trap door in the floor right under the noose that swings open if anyone puts their head in, killing them instantly (No Check. This is some old school D&D shit). However, the trap door reveals a small cache where a VERY potent magical weapon is hidden, perhaps an artifact of some kind.

Mazes and Monsters: Monsters!!!

Monday, April 18th, 2011
This entry is part 32 of 34 in the series Mazes and Monsters

Here’s the M&M bestiary from levels 1 to 5, from the lowly Pixie to the mighty Mazosaurus Rex. The Mazosaurus Rex is not SPECIFICALLY attested in the movie, but I think it can be inferred from the awesomeness of Mazes and Monsters.

Download Monsters PDF

Synnibarr Sunday: Steelbreeze

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

“By the time they reached the Terra Isles, there was only 1 week left. To the humans it seemed hopeless, and indeed it might well have been if not for the courage of another Mutant named Steelbreeze. His powers were Invulnerability and Super Speed. He ran the distance between the Terra Isles and the Antarctic and found and entered The Womb. He then braved deadly radiation and fought off several mutated monsters until he reached the main control room.”

-The World of Synnibarr, introduction (page 2).
Capitalized proper nouns are in bold.

The Key to Rebecca

Friday, April 15th, 2011

The Key to Rebecca by Ken Follett

The Key to Rebecca by Ken Follett


The desert was carpeted with flowers.
“It’s the rain, obviously,” said Vandam. “But…”
Millions of flying insects had also appeared from nowhere, and now butterflies and bees dashed frantically from bloom to bloom, reaping the sudden harvest.
Billy said: “The seeds must have been in the sand, waiting.”

During and shortly after a heavy rain in the desert (an event about as common as a rare planetary alignment, which is to say once during the PCs’ career), giant, extravagantly colored flowers carpet the desert. Bees, butterflies, and flower fairies seem to be everywhere. For a day, it looks more like the feywild than the desert. The flowers are called desert blooms, and the PCs will make a fortune if they harvest and preserve them. They’re a magical ingredient coveted by wizards. The PCs will have to hurry, though, because the blooms will have disappeared in a few hours. Desert blooms hold water like cups, so for a short time, the parched PCs will have as much water as they can drink.

Ask an Atheist Day and D&D!

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

In honor of Ask an Atheist Day, I thought it would be amusing to consider what atheism means in D&D. I suspect that whatever it means, it’s pretty great or at least hilarious!

  1. You don’t believe in ANY gods: SO MUCH HARDER IN D&D, where it seems pretty obvious that gods exist. For example, when a cleric or paladin prays to a god, they are granted awesome mystical powers. Epic level adventurers may even meet the gods! However, with that said, the average commoner might not have that much to go on to prove gods exist. Sure, magic exists, but how do they know that divine magic isn’t just another variation of arcane magic? Also, when those epic level adventurers meet up with these gods, maybe they’re just D&D’s equivalent of super powered space aliens, right? It doesn’t necessarily follow (to the PCs) that some being with awesome powers created entire races of people, after all. Maybe they’re just kind of bad-ass. Anyway, I understand Paul once played an atheist cleric, and it was AWESOME!
  2. You don’t care about the gods: This is a lot easier to get away with in a D&D world. The gods exist, but so what? Sure, Bahamut sounds like a nice guy, but in the end, it doesn’t seem like he actually does that much in the mortal world, aside from bestowing some followers with divine powers. So in this case being an atheist more means you don’t worship any gods or even feel particularly beholden to them. So a little different from how we’d normally look at the term, but close enough, right?
  3. You Worship Some Demon or Something: Demons aren’t gods and neither are evil creatures from the far realm, but people in D&D worship them all the time. I guess they aren’t technically atheists, because they usually worship them as gods, but let’s not get too bogged down in semantics here. I would be happy to clasp their non-god worshiping hand as a fellow atheist any day (well, not really)!

Have YOU ever played an atheist character in D&D?

Can YOU think of any other hilarious ways a character might be a D&D atheist?

Do YOU have any questions for ME, a real honest to God ATHEIST who plays D&D?

Then please respond with questions or comments!

Table Cost

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Next time you design a new rule or game element, calculate its Table Cost. That’s a measure of the strain it places on the players around the table, in terms of time, brain stress, and suspension of disbelief. Rules with low Table Cost are less annoying to use. Rules with high Table Cost are more annoying to use, and they’d better have something else going for them, or they Get The Axe!

Recall Cost
+0: Not easily forgotten, because it’s obvious when should you should use it. (“I need healing, let me see what healing powers I have left!”)
+2: Somewhat easily forgotten. Your CHARACTER could be reasonably expected to remember it. When it’s not the focus of attention, you don’t have to think about it. (“I can activate Fire Form to get through the lava!”
+5: Easily forgotten. The PLAYER has to remember it, because it’s based on a generic or a meta-game trigger. May require something to be tracked from round to round. (“I became Bloodied, so my Animal Fury kicks in!”)

Speech Cost
+0: You don’t need to bother anyone else with the details (you roll 3d6 extra damage when flanking)
+2: Requires you to specify a game term aloud (“…and I do 15 fire damage”)
+5: Requires you to specify a game term aloud EVERY TURN (“…and I’m using my minor action to sustain the Flaming Sphere”)

Belief Cost
+0: Provides a vivid mental picture (“I slam into him and push him back a step”)
+2: Abstract (“When I hit this guy with my mace, I give you an AC bonus”)
+5: Defies imagination (“So I guess the fog is prone?”)
(more…)

How to Design a Combat Encounter in Less than 1 Minute

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

A while ago I gave a guide for designing a combat encounter in about 5 minutes. But what if you can’t be bothered to wait that long? What if your players are itching for a fight and you want to deliver it right now?

Follow these simple steps to get started immediately:

  1. Pick up the Monster Vault or Monster Manual of your choice.
  2. Go to the index. Spend about 20 seconds looking up a standard monster of the party’s level or up to +4 levels higher.
  3. If there happens to be another monster around the same level on the same page, you’ve lucked out and can add it to the encounter. Either way, you are using a number of monsters equal to the number of players in the party.
  4. If you have D&D dungeon tiles, draw 3 random tiles from your supply and arrange them in an interesting configuration. If you don’t, draw a weirdly shaped room on your grid map and put a couple of pillars in it.
  5. If you have minis, pick random minis the same size of the monsters you plan to use. Otherwise, use whatever tokens or dice you would normally use.
  6. Make everyone roll initiative while you describe the scene! If you are at a loss for words, say the following: “On your travels you suddenly encounter a group of horrible [INSERT MONSTER NAME HERE]. They are in no mood to talk. It would be a shame to die today, but every hero meets his or her end eventually!” See, it’s nihilistic. The players like that.
  7. Do your best to kill the players. That will really piss them off.

I recommended printing this list out and keeping it in your back pocket in case of an emergency.

nervous giggling

Monday, April 11th, 2011

A hyena freaking everyone out.

A hyena freaking everyone out.

I’ve been working on the Bestiary for Mazes and Monster but don’t quite have it ready. Since I’ve been thinking about monsters and madness, I did have this creepy – potentially horrifying – D&D idea:

When you’re running a gnoll battle, keep up an irritating nervous giggle during the PCs’ turns. (Did you know hyenas giggle when they’re overexcited or nervous?) Then, during the gnoll’s turns, while you’re busy rolling dice, get the other players involved. Have all the PCs, except the one getting attacked, cackle at the targeted PC. What will that do to the psychology of the person being isolated? What about to everyone else? I can imagine it creating a weird Stanford Prisoner Experiment vibe.

Luckily 4e turns are too short to do lasting psychological harm. PROBABLY!

Synnibarr Sunday: evil mutant baby

Sunday, April 10th, 2011

“By the time Synnibarr was finished and ready to take off, the stellar storm was only 2 months away. But before Synnibarr could depart, a child was born whose heart was as black as hell itself. The young child was born a Mutant. Her powers were unknown and never fully understood.

After she was born, she aged to adulthood within 15 minutes. She appeared to be drawn, for no known reason, to the fusion reactor as a moth is to light. Once in contact with it, she attempted to draw and contain its power, but this proved too much for her abilities to handle; the resulting disaster almost forestalled the launch of Synnibarr.”

-The World of Synnibarr, introduction (page 2).
Excessively awesome passages are highlighted.

Crossroads Adventures: stats

Friday, April 8th, 2011

I’ve mentioned Crossroads Adventures, the 80’s choose-your-own-adventure series. As far as I know, it didn’t have a D&D license. On the inside of my copy of “Warhorn”, it says “CROSSROADS Adventures are authorized interactive novels compatible for use with any role-playing game.” “Any role-playing game” is remarkably similar to D&D, because the Crossroads mechanics involve +1 swords, healing potions, and Strength, Intelligence, Dexterity, Constitution, Wisdom, and Charisma, all rated 3-18.

Each Crossroads book includes an essay explaining a bunch of gaming terms, including the six D&D attributes. The best part of this essay is that, unlike D&D, it explains each of the 16 possible values for each attribute, and for most of them, includes a real-life example. The examples are worth the price of the book. They’re pretty well thought out; they do a better job of letting you know what it means to have, say, a 15 in an attribute than does D&D. They’re also hilariously 80s.

Here are some highlights:

STRENGTH:
15 A top athlete or football running back [OR? Dis on football running backs?]
17 Changes tires without a jack
18 Wrestles Arnold Schwarzenegger and wins [OK, why not just peg Arnold at STR 17?]

The essay goes on to point out that an elephant “has a Strength of 23.” How do they know?

INTELLIGENCE
6 Curly (The third Stooge)
13 College professor/good quarterback [a lot of football in here!]
15 Indiana Jones/Carl Sagan
18 Leonardo Da Vinci (Isaac Asimov?) [Really? The author of the essay thinks that Asimov is maybe as smart as Da Vinci? I liked The Caves of Steel but let’s not go overboard here. Also, is Asimov verifiably 3 INT points higher than Carl Sagan?]

WISDOM/LUCK [Here’s where Crossroads becomes slightly incompatible from “any game”: it rolls “luck” into the Wisdom stat.]
13 Lee Iacocca
15 Captain Kirk (wisdom) / Conan (luck) [I take issue with both of these. Kirk, as far as I can tell, succeeds entirely based upon Charisma and maybe Luck. I don’t ever recall him making a wise decision.]
17 Sherlock Holmes (wisdom) / Luke Skywalker (luck) [Again, Sherlock Holmes’ skill is clearly Intelligence. And Luke Skywalker, luck? Apparently the author of the essay doesn’t believe in the Force. He thinks that hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.)

CONSTITUTION
15 Olympic Athlete/Sam Spade [Sam Spade? I guess he has a lot of constitution… I don’t remember much about the Maltese Falcon but I’m willing to believethat Sam got knocked out a few times and survived it.]
16 Marathon runner/Rocky [I agree that Constitution is pretty much Rocky’s strong point.]
18 Rasputin/Batman

DEXTERITY
13 Good fencer/Walter Payton [ah, more football!]
15 brain surgeon/Houdini
16 Flying Karamazov Brothers
17 movie ninja/Cyrano de Bergerac
18 Bruce Lee

A dexterity of 20 is possessed, apparently, by The Waco Kid. From Blazing Saddles. BLAZING SADDLES.

CHARISMA [This one is my favorite.]
7 Richard Nixon today [I wish they had statted Nixon’s Charisma at various points in his career. In China, 14! Jowly appearance vs. Kennedy, 8!]
14 Magnum, P. I. [Only 14???]
16 Henry Kissinger/Jim diGriz [one of these is the Stainless Steel Rat]
18 Dr. Who/Prof. Harold Hill (Centauri) [I have no problem with Dr. Who, but it never would have occurred to me to chart his CHA as 18. And apparently Centauri is a lovable character from the Last Starfighter? and Prof. Harold Hill is from the Music Man? OK, The Music Man is (arguably) timeless, but The Last Starfighter must have JUST COME OUT when this essay was written.]